03/01/22
Good morning on what is another dreich day here in Dundee I was going to head out for a quick walk but it was heavy rain when I looked out so decided not to bother at the moment. I am trying to sort my pension out as well I have to one with Scottish water and my NHS one I want to amalgamate them as I think it would help me as as things stand with Helen I can't see me back at work anytime soon, this is easier said than done. I went onto the pensions web site for my Scottish water one and tried to log in well I have been trying for around 40min now with no success, I even changed my password but nope just won't let me log on, I decided a phone call was in order mmm nope closed until the 5th of January so until then their is not much I can do. Today Helen is getting her sister down for a while then her niece and her husband are coming to pick up Helens car and in between this I am going to try and get to the shops for some messages then if it has cleared and Helen is ok I shall go for a walk.
Just back from a nice walk was not far but it is very fresh outside and it looks to be a frosty night. Helens sister has been for a visit so that was nice but her niece who was meant to pick up the car today phoned to say she was not feeling good today and can they pick it up tomorrow. So i will probably go out a couple of times tonight get some of that air and i hope my beautiful wife can stay awake so we can have the night together.
04/01/22
A bacon buttie to start the day and it was nice, the car is now away which was quite hard to watch but it is done now. Helen is in bed but has been up for a while but she is taking it easy today as we are up early tomorrow as we have to go to surgery as Helen is getting blood taken and have to be their at 9-15 and i think we will have to be out early as she is really struggling at the moment but i will move heaven and earth to get her to this and Thursdays appointments. I am in man cave doing a few things just making bit more space and it keeps my mind focused. It is as i thought a lovely frosty day and although i have not been out for a walk i may try and get out for a while tonight. I am sorry that these blogs are a bit shorter but with looking after Helen i am not out so much but of course she is my main priority. So lunch soon and see how things after this.
Had lunch With Helen and we decided to have another sleep which was nice we talked for a while but have to say it was not long before I was zzz and Helen, I told her how much it was breaking my heart to watch her go through this and how much I loved her told her of some of the photographs I found of us on holiday and our engagement ones where she was as is today beautiful. I sit on my own and it just seems so unreal and every time things pop into my head I just stare wt the wall in front of me feeling of complete uselessness and sadness. I Finnish todays blog sitting on my own with just the small lights on and wonder of our future.
05/01/22
An early start today to take Helen to get blood taken before she goes to see about this drug tomorrow, awake at 7-30 and a small breakfast before we left. Helen had bit of struggle getting out of the house and to the car but once in we headed to the surgery where I was able to get a chair to take her in. Bloods done I was happy that she stayed out for a while so we headed to clarks bakery where I bought couple of hot rolls and two teas and we drove to find someplace quiet and sat and had breakfast mark 2, I was so happy just to get Helen out of the house for a while and get some cleanish air into her body even to the point that even though it was cold we sat with the car door open for a while, we went for a drive through the country before heading home both of us feeling a bit tiered so after I took down all the Christmas decorations which always makes the house look so empty we went back to bed for a while and I managed a good 30min kip and Helen is still sleeping but am going to see if she wants anything else to eat. So decorations down and I don't know why but I did feel quite sad taking them down. Tomorrow we head to Ninewells at the back of one in the hope that Helens gets this chemo drug and we hope of course that it works and it takes some of the dizzy spells away and gives Helen a bit more confidence to walk.
Photo of Helen at queens view. I have been for a wee walk and it was nice and cold and still frosty. Now back home and am about to see if Helen wants anything to eat or if she wants to wait a while, I am also thinking that I may have a wee dram tonight as feeling bit down at moment. Think it is harder when sitting on my own as my brain goes into overdrive and just can't stop thinking of some of the things we have done together and how much fun and places we have been she really has opened my eyes and I have seen places I thought I would never see. So that's it for today big day tomorrow just hope all goes well for Helen.
06/01/22
Well big day today for us and i am hoping that Helen gets this chemo tablet and it helps her with a few things like her dizziness and basically just all round feeling so she can get up more and do bit more as she is fed up as am i but can only imagine how she must feel, at this moment in time i feel the days just blend in together even last night watching tv i have to watch things i have seen a few times as i am finding hard to concentrate my mind just goes into overdrive and if it is something i have seen before then it does not really matter if my mind wanders and i miss a bit. So lets see what today brings i hope it is some relief for Helen.
Well they were a bit shocked to see how bad Helen was and came out to ask me questions as Helen was struggling she was confused and told them that ever since they cut her steroids it has been a gradual downfall, told them that she has been pretty much in bed and her speech was not great and she was forgetful as well, so they have put her on stronger steroids for seven days and she now has this chemo tablet to take as well so we shall have to watch what we are doing as it is a lot to take but together we can do it. On a personal note i had a bit of a break down telling the nurse how hard it has been but these nurses have known Helen a long time and she said they will do everything they can to help her which was nice. So fingers crossed that it gives her a bit of her self back and nothing would make me happier.
07/01/21
Well Friday is here and it has been a very busy day up until now, we had breakfast and Helen took her first dose of chemo tablets and stronger steroids as well she said she did feel slightly better and she did look a bit brighter and hopefully in a couple of days we see a good improvement which will give her the confidence to get out of bed and walk without having to hold onto things and then hopefully will be able to come out and get some more fresh air. We had two great surprises today the first being a lovely bunch of flowers sent by Helens niece and name sake, the second was a surprise from three girls at work my three lovey friends Nicola, Leighann and Lynn, they sent a magnificent buffet down full of sandwiches cakes sausage roll and biscuits and lots more what a great surprise and me and Helen have already tucked into it for lunch just feel so blessed to have friends like them.
Helens flowers
Buffet from the girls
I am blown away by peoples kindness. So had to go up to the hospital and hand in some samples for Helen then along to the unit to get an LFT kit and then it was onto Tesco to grab some messages then back home, after lunch had a few wee things to do but I am now sitting having a small glass of fizz with cranberry juice in it and I think I may kick back for a while and try to have a rest.
08/01/22
A long night is over, Helen was sleeping over the bed so i decided to leave her and would have a night on the settee, i slept for a while but woke up with a sore back and could not get back to sleep but i just persevered until 8am when i got dressed and went and got some rolls and paper for Helen, breakfast was had and Helen took most of her pills but unfortunately she threw up and i am convinced it was because she ate to much to quickly and i take the blame for that so tomorrow i am going to change a few things in the hope it will be a bit better. I am very tired and upset but it is due to lack of sleep i think and of course worry. I have to be a bit more on the ball and make sure that we eat a bit better today and from now on.
I have not done much again as time just seems to be slipping away at the moment, I was up in the loft and brought down a blow up mattress and my sleeping bag just incase I have to sleep through here tonight or any other night. Helen has taken her second load of pills and I am hoping she won't be sick as I may have to phone the hospital if she is. As for me well I was out in my cave for a while but kept coming back in to make sure Helen was ok and then I went to shops as she fancies mince and tatties tonight so that seems to be the plan. As for tonight well it will be a quiet one again and was hoping Helen might come through but it is not looking likely.
09/01/22
Hello and welcome Sunday today has been slightly better especially with the tablets Helen has had to take i think the way we did it this morning worked better for her even though she is a bit forgetful and needed to look at the tablets she is taken but she has not been sick so all the tablets have stayed in her system, i am about to go in and see if she wants to have her shower and put fresh stuff on the bed so if she wants to stay in kip then it will be nice and fresh for her but i am hoping she will come through for a while today or tonight even just to have her tea would be nice,
This photograph of Helen with family members of mine was at my nieces wedding and this was a week after she was told her cancer had come back but she sits amongst us smiling it was the same day as she was told that they will treat it and it should go well and it did. She smiled through it and she fought and i hope no matter how much time i have with this beautiful girl she fights as hard as this girl deserves every chance she can get.
So another couple of Helen wee climb up kinoull hill and she gives me the twos up it’s her international sign 😂. Made Helen stovies for tea and she managed a good bit, after that we sat for a while and had a chat and tonight it she wants to stay where she is so i will pop in now and again to make sure she is ok and if she wants me to sit for a while i shall happily do so as i am missing her sitting in the living room watching tv and just talking. As for me well it has been another surreal week i have not had many ups but i have had lots of downs but i did expect this of course, i have not been out for walks or cycling as it has been to risky as we really need to see the reaction Helen has to these tablets. So i finish this weeks blog i hope for a miracle no matter how that sounds. So until next week i hope you are all well.
No comments:
Post a Comment