59 to 60 Part 45

 

                                                                                24/01/22

Hello and welcome to part 45 of this blog this morning we had breakfast and chat about what to do today, and think it will be out for a while for some air and bit off shopping Helen seems still fine might be a bit more confused so will keep a close eye on her today. Then some sad news and I feel I have to mention this it is about a young girl called Lilly she is from Perth and she was a dancer, I met her once as she danced with my nieces daughter Kendal, Lilly has been fighting cancer for years she has gone through hell but this young lass never had a smile of her face she has done so much in her little life she has met famous people and well they all wanted to meet Lilly she has been on TV on the news just this smiley wee beautiful girl who showed so much courage no matter what she went through she did it with so much sparkle and so much dignity, well this morning at 7-17 this young 14year old girl lost her life and the world is a sadder place without her, I sit with a tear in my eye writing this bit but she deserves everything that will be said or written  about her. And her mum and her family and all the many thousands of friends she has made my thoughts are with you all. I will do no more of this today. R I P Young Lilly x

                                                               Dance among the stars Lilly 

                                                                                 25/01/22

Hello and it has been a busy day, after breakfast we got ready to go to surgery so Helen can have some bloods taken which went fine, after that we visited a few shops but we were parked a bit far from the shop so Helen did get some nice cold air and she managed although she was tired after all this so we decided just to come home and have a cuppa and something to eat, we needed to do a bit of cleaning so I headed into the back room while Helen was in the bedroom, I was trying to make space as Helen wanted to put some clothes in the room so I managed to clean a bit of it up for this to happen and I also took all my whisky to the mancave and noe under lock and key mmm well it is precious stuff and I do have a few bottles.

Helen was putting stuff away and cleared a lot from her wardrobe and ended up with five bags of clothes for charity and of course she became upset she said she would not be able to wear them due to the weight loss and well I'm sure there was a lot more going on in her head, it is hard to watch someone you love so much go through this it really is. She looked tired as well so I told her that would be enough for today and to try and just relax for a while before tea so that is what we are both doing now. We have a free day tomorrow so I'm not sure what we will do but I have said to Helen it may be a good idea just to have a day around the house as we have another busy day on Thursday but if she feel she wants some air then it is no problem to go out for a while we shall wait and see.

                                                                      26/01/22

Well a good start to Wednesday up early again with Helen and this time I made her breakfast and we sat together in the bedroom and did our usual wee chat and Helen then took her tablets, after that Helen decided on shower for today around 1pm so I went out for a while and managed 14miles on my Felt road bike which was good and yes was cold but it did clear my head and ready to take on the day.

some photos from todays wee 14miles, after this when I got home I did my stretches then was out again to take some stuff to the charity shops and now back home. Later on will have to go out to check tyre on bike as it was flat this morning and also give it a bit of a clean and spray with some oil. Quiet day not much going on at all.

                                                                        28/01/22

Hello Friday, I could not do a blog yesterday as we were busy as Helen had to go to appointment at oncology and we were at the place for a long time and when we got home we had still a lot to do and it ended up to much as Helen became really confused last night after tea and at one point I was going to call for an ambulance as I thought she might have had a TIA a mini stroke but I waited as I was beginning to think it was more to do with her being tired and she had stopped some of her drugs and steroids went down to 3mg as well, just to explain she stops some of her tablets for a week and then restarts them. I finally managed to get her to come through to the living room and settle for a while and by time we went to bed she did seem a bit better and this morning although still a bit confused she is talking a bit better as well, again I am keeping a close eye on her today as her sister and niece are coming to see her but if I don't think she is up for it then I am going to ask them if they can leave it another day. So it means I don't have a plan really for today I was hoping for a walk and bit time in the mancave and leave Helen to have that silent time just a couple of hours chilling and recharge the batteries. 

I have been looking through some photographs and found a couple I would like to share couple of Buzzards in flight, I have missed being out with my camera as not been going far enough but hoping next week we can go for a wee drive and just snap a couple of old buildings or some wildlife.

Love seeing these birds of pray the way they just glide and dive for prey the wing span when they get close is just amazing and even better if you manage to get in the colours as well. Well let see what the day does bring shall we? Very emotional visit Helen wanted a group hug and for me to take photos, it was very emotional and they were all in tears I kept mine for when I was sitting on my own like now. 

They three Helen changed my life and Joyce and young Helen have enhanced my life. Helen has been really confused and is still a bit confused now I am going to give it a few days to see how if the tablets help. I find it hard as I love them s women and to see her sitting her hand shaking and bit forgetful this women the love of my life I struggle to see her like this but as I have said she is an incredibly strong women and I am lucky to have her as my wife and my best friend and I am doing all I can to keep her on this earth as long as I can. So tonight I hope she feels refreshed from her sleep and we can have a nice evening together. 

                                                                          29/01/22

A not to bad start to Saturday Helen sounds more like herself and I am hoping that as the day goes on it stays like this for her as I think the last few days have just been to much for her, she woken up and started talking and even apologised for yesterday which I told her not to say sorry as it is something we have to get used to and be able to deal with it a bit better, I can't imagine what it must be like knowing what you want to say but just not being able to get the words out just must be so frustrating for her. So at this moment Helen is having some quiet time and I am not long back from a walk and getting some messages and also batteries for my watches and also a new strap so that's the two out of four working mmm yes I have to many watches. It is a very blustery day and I blew a post down that hit the window of my car luckily no damage was done. Helen is up and just pottering around but does seem a lot better and I'm now wondering if it is the fact that she is off certain tablets for a week that makes her confused for a couple of days it is a thing I am going to keep an eye on. Well was a good walk wild but good.

                                                                             30/01/22

Hello and welcome to Sunday we were up very early 7-30 and had breakfast around eight and after this i was out for a walk so Helen can have that hour to herself in bed where it is nice and peaceful and it seems to do her a lot of good as she does seem much better over the last two days which is good. I have a bit of work to do in the garage which i am about to do now as seemingly we are in for another storm around 15-00 this is becoming the norm now as we had a storm yesterday as well which killed one woman up in Aberdeen and left people without electricity again and trees down as well. So onto this wee job and lets see what the rest of the day brings.

Well was out in the garden for a while and managed to get wee job done then in the man cave to sort few things out as well. Above is just a few photos from the past. At the moment the rain is on but still no storm as yet even though we keep getting warnings of it arriving around three but it is now nearly four and as i say still very calm. Tomorrow is a day that could be quite hard as Helen is going to the funeral directors and i am going to take her but i think she wants to go in and speak to them herself . I finish this weeks blog with a word about Helen and that word is LOVE,

GED… 

59 to 60 part 44

 

                                                                             17/01/22

Hello and welcome to part 44 of this blog, it is a lovely day out the sun is out and it’s that nice fresh cold that I love. This morning when Helen woke up she asked if she could try and make her own breakfast which said yeah go for it but let me do things like boil the water as your still bit dizzy/unstable which was fine, she managed this and even though it took wee bit longer it was great to here her ask and manage, she is now going to sit in the kitchen and clean the freezer to see how she gets on and I am going to clean the bathroom and give the house a bit of a clean as we have occupational therapy and a physio coming down at 2pm to see how they can help Helen around the house. I have been for a walk along the beach front and then picked up some tablets for Helen so all in all not a bad start to the day.

 The nurses have been to see Helen she now has a walking aid and they have fitted a board in the bath to make it easier for Helen to get in and out not the bath they were very helpful and gave Helen as much to me as she needed especially to get used to the walking aid which was s not to bad considering. It has been a good day as things go and Helen has done a lot for herself which I’m proud of as this is the girl I married the fighter. After they left I went for a forty minute walk and it was stunning a full moon 🌕 a and was just a love sky and just cold and very fresh. 

I am now back home and having a 20min chill before tea and Helen is lying in bed doing the same as it still makes her a bit weary but it’s great as I say seeing her get up and want to do stuff, that’s ma Helen xx 

                                                                           18/01/22

Another good day so far Helen was up and made both our breakfasts but still did not want her to make tea as boiling water at the moment not safe as she is still bit unstable on her feet but is definitely better, we have podiatrist today at 15-30 so i ma going to get her up about 13-30 for lunch so as i say as the days go this has been another good day and it is great to see Helen having a bit of independence back does not matter how small it will make her feel much better. I have finally been out on my bike and just managed over 9miles and must admit even though it was a bit cold it was great to be out and this time it was my mountain bike 🚵‍♀️ it was pretty easy cycle as i have not been out for a long time and am hoping i can maybe do the same tomorrow.

So a couple of photos from this mornings cycle sky still had a lot of colour to it and i hope for the same tomorrow cycle, this really gives me a bit of time just to put things in perspective and clears my mind as well, it was good when i got home and Helen was on the phone to her sister and i could here her laugh it gave me a little boost as well so yeah today is a good day and i hope for many many more as hope is all i have.

Helen been to podiatrist who is very happy at the way her feet and skin is and Helen feels much better for having her toe nails cut mmm and her nails on her finger as she asked the nurse if she could clip them and nurse was very nice and did them for her. So back home now for chill before tea and then tonight will listen to the football and hopefully if my team win watch the highlights tonight. 

                                                                      19/01/22

Well today has been another what can be classed as a good day, I was out early and managed a 10mile cycle it was nice cold bit as I have said it always feels fresher when it is cold, when I got back Helen was awake and decided that today she would like to go to Arbroath and to Morrisons to see how she got on with the help of a shopping trolly walking around doing a bit shopping, and she got on fine yes she was a bit slow and at times staggering but she managed and as I keep saying that is great you are doing or even trying this after all you have been told and all you have went through in the last few weeks I'm bloody proud of her she is an amazing women and does not give herself enough credit. So after that we went and got two lattes and drove down to the docks in Arbroath and sat and had a bite to eat which was just great and Helen was glad to be out for a while, yes she did get weary and we are now home and she is having a wee nap but she has not done things like this in a while and mentally it must be trying for her not alone physically. So like I say as days go the last 3 have been good. 

Some photos from todays cycle, it was a very nice morning but did cloud over in the afternoon but I’m glad I have been a belt to fit in a few miles and I hope I manage wee bit more this week. 

And a couple from Arbroath harbour, it is a nice harbour and just sitting watching the world go buy was just the job for Helen and me. Well that’s it for today quiet night as always and see what tomorrow brings. 

                                     20/01/22

Well a busy start to the day I was awake about 5-30 and Helen put on the light so we had a wee chat then did manage to get back to sleep for a while, around 7-30 we decided to have an early breakfast of a bacon roll which was braw. I had to go to my work and hand in a line and this time I felt strong enough to speak to all the staff that were on and I was again blown away by all their kind thoughts and hugs they really are a top team just the best I have worked with. It was then onto a quick visit to Tesco and home to do a bit tidying as Helen sister Joyce I s coming to visit this afternoon which Helen will be happy as she does look and feel better at the moment. 

Fixing mountain bike seat as it came loose yesterday when was cycling thought at one point it was going to fall off completely but managed to do a quick tightening while was out but hopefully this will be ok, it’s a very old bike by still goes well I like to call it my bits off bike as it’s fitted with parts from different bikes 😂. 

                                                                          21/01/22

Hello and welcome the weekend we have had breakfast and i have been out for a ten mile cycle, it is a lovely frosty morning just my kind of day, it was nice and i decided to try and smile a bit more today as at this present time Helen is doing ok and we have to live for each moment  she has showing true strength and so much dignity that she deserves me to do all i can for her but in saying that she is beginning to do more, she wants to go and get some birthday cards and my valentines card today and then hopefully we can have a sit at the water and have a cuppa and a bite to eat, so at this moment i am in my man cave doing this blog about to go in to see what time Helen wants to go out.

On a sadder note i just seen that a singer called Meat Loaf has died aged 74 he brought out one of the albums of the 70s and to this day stands the test of time and if you are young and never heard it then go and have a listen to bat out of hell it is an iconic album every track will have you hooked. I re bear sitting in the house watching a program called the old grey whistle test and they played Bat Out Of Hell it fkn blew me away, he was a big guy but man he had a voice. Sad day R I P m l.

                                                                        BAT OUT OF HELL

In ferry this afternoon Helen used her walker for the first time outside and she managed fine, even in shops where she wanted some time alone so she could buy my valentines card and got to say both shops the ladies helped Helen as well which was good of them so yeah smiled a lot today and so did Helen, we all think it is older people who use walking aids but it is not and no matter how old you are if you need one and it helps you even just round the house then use it and get some confidence and hopefully air in the lungs. So today I smiled. 

                                                                            22/01/22

Been away for a walk again along the waterfront and into the ferry to get a haggis for burns night which we may celebrate tomorrow we shall see, we are off to Arbroath again today t see if we can get something to put down at Helens mums grave as it is her birthday soon. Walk along beach front was nice and if the day stays nice I may venture out again for a wee walk we shall see. I spoke to my best mate Kenny today to give him a wee update on how things are going and also to find out how Kenny and Val and family are doing and a general catch up as I always like speaking to him and as I have always said he is a top bloke and I hope one day we can return to the hills and meet up and have a wee dram and just a better catch up. So on to the rest of the day and see what it brings.

Just back from Arbroath and we managed to do everything we needed to do, was not to bad day bit milder so we were once again able to have a cup of tea while we were out and Helen managed to put some flowers down at her mums as well, now back home and i am listening to the football and currently in the Scottish cup we are 1-1 with Kilmarnock and i have this sense of doom lol that we will lose a goal in the last bloody minute but that is part of supporting Dundee United we have lost the last six games in the league. Well as for today that is it another night in front of the box and i am hoping i can watch the highlights tonight….. HOPING!

                                                                            23/01/22

Sunday morning and yes was up with the lark as believer it or not my team won and we are through to the next round of the Scottish cup whoopie, so after breakfast I have the house a clean as Helen’s friend is coming to visit this afternoon, next was take some rubbish to the tip its been sitting in the garage for a while and i went in yesterday and tripped on the bloody thing ha ha near Headed the tumble dryer so that’s away now thank god. More cloud about today but not as cold as it has been in the last couple of days which is fine. Leaving bike until tomorrow but if Helen wants some time with Susan i may take myself for a walk or come back out to the man cave and do a couple of wee jobs, i am wanting some boards put up where I can’t stick some photos on been meaning to do it for a while we shall see what i am in the mood of. Well a real quiet day Helen feels bit tired so we decided to just stay in house so not much else to put on today. So another week done and it has been ok was good to see Helen up and getting out a bit more. Until next week thanks for reading. 

Ged 

59 to 60 part 43

 

10/01/22

Hello and welcome to part 43 and start of a new week and not best start weather wise as it is grey and rainy again. Last night when I got to bed Helen asked me if I had locked the door and turned out all the lights. now I know this is just a little thing but she has not said this to me since before Christmas and I noticed her words were not so slurred, this morning she woke early and turned light on and wanted breakfast she was speaking a lot better and seemed to remember a few things as well, now I am not expecting miracles but any small thing at the moment is a bonus, although she is not feeling so good since I got back from the shops her speech has improved, she is having a sleep at the moment and am hoping she feel a bit better so she can have a shower and I can change the bed sheets and just make her feel a bit fresher, I am not sure if she will come through tonight this all depends on how she feels but I just want her to be as calm as she can and if that happens with just clean sheets and a shower then that's what I shall do. I am trying to be better a bit more patience as I know she is really finding things hard and really I need to let her take or get things out of her system. For now I think as she is sleeping I may go for a wee walk before we start showers and the likes. Well no shower as Helen wants to wait until tomorrow, but as days go this has been ok Helen definitely more like herself and we sat in bed for an hour holding hands and chatting had a cup of tea and bight to eat together as well. She did go downhill a bit but i think she was just tired nd hoping wee sleep will do her good. I will take anything at the moment no matter how small.

                                                                                  11/01/22

Well not to bad a start to the morning as things go, Helen has had her shower and has dressed and although still in bed she does look like her self  and her speech continues to improve but she is still dizzy and forgetful but maybe not as bad, she is having a kip and then I’m going to wake her up for lunch around two then i am going to strip the bed and put clean stuff back on so it will all feel nice and fresh if Helen’s wants to go back. I have been out to the ships then took a wee drive around the countryside and got a bit of fresh air and again i may try and fit in a walk early evening but will have to wait and see what Helen wants to do but if it is have another sleep then yeah i will go out for a while. We spoke this morning and it was good to sit together and well just enjoy each other’s company. Just had lunch with Helen and she has changed a good bit she is talking much better and i also think (she would probably not agree) but i think she is walking slightly better. So managed a couple of photographs to post here.

Well tea is done and i am sitting on my own while Helen has a rest, have a few things to do need a shave big time then shower, Helen’s niece and sister phoned and both agree that she is speaking much better. So for now i shall leave it here as well not much else to report at the moment.

                                                                                      12/01/21

Been an early start today Helen was awake for eight and decided she would like an early breakfast which was fine as it has given me a bit of time to clean house as the McMillan nurse is due at 14-00, Helen still much the same as yesterday she is speaking well and her memory is not to bad or as bad but still forgetful at times seems when she is bit tired and she did say that she never slept well over night so i have come out to the cave and said to her to try and have an hour sleep before she gets up to see the nurse and if she is up in time i can change the bed at last as i have been trying to do this for the last 4 days. I am going to check the tyres on my mountain bike so if all is ok tomorrow i am going to go and cycle around panmuirfield which is nice and close to the house and after Helen’s has been for bloods on Friday i hope to fit in another but of course this is all if Helen’s feels i can leave her alone for an hour.

I was bit bored last night so decided to take a photo and just have a wee play with editing and this kind of suits my mood feel like i have a cloud of red mist in front of me and i am thinking how do i clear this mist and the only answer i can come up with is just carry on with what i am doing and grab hold of every glimmer of light that comes through.

Well McMillan nurse came to see Helen and she is going to see if she can organise a walking aid for Helen tot use around the house and is going to look at a few other things to help with day to day life, it has been a good night as Helen treated me to a chipper tea and she has sat up in the living room watching some tv, she does look tired now so not sure how much longer she will last but good news is there is a fresh clean bed waiting for her but as days go this has been good. It was a lovely sunset tonight so I went out and took a couple of photos. 

                                                                             13/01/22

Today has been fine up until now Helen had a better nights sleep and we both sat and had breakfast together which Helen said was nice, Joyce her sister is coming around at 2-30 so we shall have a cup of tea and some cake as we have plenty of cake and biscuits thanks to the lovely girls at my work they are as I have always said just great people and I am lucky to have them as friends. I have to go out again to my doctors to pick up a new line for being of and he has put it in for three months this time and he was very nice and wished us that things go nice and smoothly, Helen sat with me until ten o'clock last night and I have to say it was just so good to have her through in the living room, she said that I am hoping for a miracle which won't happen, well I said I would be stupid not to hope for a miracle even though it might not happen but won't I won't stop doing is looking for a wee chink of light even you talking better even you coming to sit with me for a while if that is all I can hope for then yes I will continue to hope that no matter what happens your beside me as I am with you all through this time. 

                                           Another parcel from one of the lovely nurses at work

Joyce Helen's sister has been and was nice to see her especially for Helen as it did give them both a small boost, Joyce of course is worried of course and just wants to see her sister and she is good as she stays an hour and half but if she can see Helen getting tired she will leave that bit earlier. I have bought myself a bluetooth headband as I'm finding it hard to shut down things in my brain at times, I do try and meditate but not managing much at the moment and hoping if I wear this even over my eyes the dark and peacefulness will help me to just turn off for a while even if it is only for fifteen minutes and it will be connected to my phone so if Helen wants she can buzz me as well while I have it on. So for today I sign off and as days go it has been another good one, I am not sure if Helen will be through to sit with me tonight but she has been here during the day. 

                                                                      14/01/22

Good morning and happy Friday and it has been another early start Helen was awake around 7-30 so we lay a while before breakfast which was a  simple breakfast of rolls with ham and cheese, got helens clothes ready for her appointment this morning at 11-30 and hopefully we can stay out for a while as it is not to bad today bit cloudy and windy but no rain. I have to go to my doctor to pick up my line and well we shall see how Helen feels and if she would like to stay out or just head home but as I have said I hope she would like to stay out for a while.

Well we did stay out for a while and enjoyed a nice sunny day, Helen’s bloods were fine well getting them taken was fine, we headed to sit beside the water for a while and just enjoy looking out across the Tay for 20minutes before we headed to get something for tea and then we grabbed a coffee for me and a tea for Helen and sat down at the esplanade watching the world go buy and i am sure Helen loved just being beside the sea and it was so calm, we sat for about 40min then a wee drive before home as Helen was getting a bit tired, so we are now home and Helen is having a lie down and well i am doing my blog. My Bluetooth band arrived and i hope this helps me to relax and maybe even a bit of meditation 🧘‍♀️.

So i think i may treat myself to a wee dram or a couple of we bottles of wine tonight as well as days go this or the last two have been ok just seeing Helen speak or just smiling yes all she has gone through all she has been told she smiles and she has a gorgeous smile, well she is a gorgeous lady. 

                                  15/01/22

Saturday morning up early and breakfast done I had to go out and buy a new kettle as the button on the old one finally broke, we are both hoping that we get our hair cut today well Helen cut coloured and styled and me mmm well just a straight forward cut. Helens appointment is at noon and if it is ok to leave her I am going to nip into the ferry and hopefully get mine done straight away. Last night I sat and watched football and had a couple of glasses of wine 🍷 I must have been tired as when I went to bed the room started spinning like I had a couple of bottles rather than glasses but it did help me sleep 😴. So let’s see what Saturday brings. 

So we both have had our hair cut at last and boy it feels better but colder, Helen no longer has long hair but he has done a good job and she looks great I will see if she will let me take a photo. I went for walk after my hair cut along the waterfront it was s lovely what they have done the new walkway is nice and as you get near the RNI building there is a very nice gate with dolphins and swans made from metal, I look forward to the day that the whole of this walkway is finished. 

Helens nice has been for a while and it was nice to see her she is a lovely girl and loves her Auntie, Helen has gone to bed as she is worn out but it has been a very long week for her so tomorrow it is going to be a day of doing very little as she just needs a couple of days to try and relax and just have some peace. So tonight I am not sure if Helen will get up but if she does will be a Vienna blood 🩸 or if she does not I have a film Roger waters the wall. 

                                                                                     16/01/22

Well a good start as Helen had a good nights sleep and she feels bit better for it which is great to see, she is going to have a shower today and then a bite to eat, i am not sure if she will get up for a while i hope so but as always i will leave it up to Helen as long as she is happy and comfortable then that’s all i want. Last night i ended up just watching rubbish with a couple of drams which was fine and was in bed and sleeping for the back of 12, i put something up on facebook in the hope that certain people would get in touch so i can tell them the situation and it did work and was good to here from these people and let them know as some of them probably know Helen longer than me and i was struggling how to tell them but it is done now. I have been to shops and after a bit to eat i may go for a walk but only if Helen decides to stay in bed if she wants to sit up then i will be sitting with her, she was smiling this morning and even phoned our neighbour to let her know how she is, well it is another chink of light and as i told her this morning we fight on and hope we get as much time together as possible.

Photos from couple walks the one in the middle is up in Arbroath cliffs Helen walking in front of me, was good i got her from the back as if she had been facing me i would have got the international Helen sign 😂 yup the twos up, i would give anything to be out walking with Helen again but i am not sure if it will happen but i can live in hope. So onto the rest of the day as at the moment i am having a bit of time in the man cave.

Well Helen is up and sitting beside me watching tv and hopefully we can have tea together which as I say would be good, I have just stayed pretty much around the house as it is not often we get this chance to sit together. Well tonight will be a quiet one as most are at the moment not only due to what is happening but due still as well to covid. So another week has come and gone and at the beginning I was worried at how bad things were and I sit here now beside Helen thankful that she is beside me and all I can hope for is more days like this, I finish with every chink of light we will grab, so until next week from myself byeeee.

Ged.