59 to 60 Part 47

                                                                             07/01/22

Good morning and after not a to bad sleep I feel a bit better and am about to give the place a quick clean and then out for a walk to get some fresh air, I have heard from Helen and she has had a nice sleep as well and feels better for it and I am hoping once the consultant has been she is still ok and either will get home today or tomorrow. Well and as the weeks go in we get closer to the end of this blog all I can think is wow is it really a year I have been doing this? I have enjoyed it and it will be good to look back on as time goes on, but I am wondering should I continue doing blogs every now and again? Well truthfully I may well do that but not every day you will be glad to read I may do ones every month or two weeks or when an event takes place as I am aware that doing one every day it can become a bit boring mmm so we shall see. So lets see what the start of the week brings.

Well another day of back and forth to the hospital as Helen has become really confused and when i arrived at 3pm her sister was their and I ask how she was Joyce just shook her head to say very confused, when she left i could see that Helen was just not really on the planet and i noticed that her phone was not about, i asked her where it was but all she would say was shhh just leave it i buried it, i then noticed her kindle was gone as well, i asked the nurses but they could not find it and said she had only been to the toilet and no where else, i rang the phone and even though it was ringing no one was able to here it, when i was driving home I thought oh hold on her book or her papers were not about either, we now think that Helen has thrown them in the bin and if this is the case she will not get them back, i had to go back up at 7-30pm  as she phoned from the hospital landline telling me that they were going to close the coffin and i am drying tonight, when i got to the hospital i stayed for a while and that is all she would say and this is the reason why i think she through her phone, kindle, papers and book into the bin. I am hoping she has settled now and she can get some sleep and that the antibiotics kick in tomorrow withy the steroids as well as it must be so hard for her with all these thoughts going through her head. I am home and about to have a cup of tea and charge an old phone and if helen feels better tomorrow i will give her this with a new pay as you go deal and if her old phone does not turn up i shall have to phone virgin and cancel her contact which is a monthly deal. 

                                 08/02/22

Phoned the hospital this morning and helen seems a bit better but still a bit confused, I slept not to badly but still feel bit tired after yesterday and I suppose jus a build up of everything that has gone on. I have managed to get phone sorted for Helen and if she seems better I shall give to her in the hope that she doesn’t throw it away. I’m currently just enjoying a coffee and I’m heading for a wee walk before I go up to see helen but her niece is going at 2pm to see her first. 

Well another hard day a day that I thought helen had improved slightly which she has but a couple of things that happened that when I got home left me in tears, I am so desperate to get her home but at moment I just can’t see any way this will happen, this is so hard to take and watch but I am still praying that with each day she may get to the stage where helen can come home. When I did get back there was a parcel from the people I work with in Perth some lovely sun flowers and I hope Helen can get home to see them. 

So it is another night on my own just watching tv and trying just to stay calm, I will phone the hospital around 9-30 to see how Helen is but she did answer a txt I sent earlier. I hope to get a decent sleep and hope Helen does the same. 

                                                                         10/02/22

It has a been so hard to get to my blog as things have taken a turn maybe not for the worse but enough to keep me busy and I have been very upset to the point of most of the day yesterday I was constantly in tears as on Wednesday night I was called to go back up to the hospital as Helen said her vision was a bit blurry so they put her in a side room, I rushed up and the doctor was already in seeing her and she was fine but very confused again, I sat with her for a good hour and a half and she went into bed and managed to get her to rest. Yesterday when I phoned they told me she was dozing as she never slept well and she was still wee bit confused so I told them I would phone back at 12 noon, when I phoned the nurse looking after Helen said she was very agitated and they were having to get a consultant to see her, by this time I was so upset and I lost control of my emotions and just could not stop crying, I went up early after telling her sister that she maybe should not visit today due to what has been going on, when I arrived at Hospital to my surprise Helen was sitting on her bed and she was well my Helen she was remembering things and she was upset when I told her about her phone and kindle and was asking just normal questions, it lasted for about an hour before she became very confused again and but I still managed to speak to her and when she lay in her bed I sat beside her and we talked about things we have done together like holidays or going to gigs she mentioned my trip to Everest and Peru amongst other things, yeah she kept getting a bit confused but the visit turned out better than I expected. When I phoned last night they said she was ok and she was sleeping which did help me a bit as well knowing she was sleeping. Before I called I felt the need to get out of the house so I went for a walk near sheilhill it was very refreshing. 

Well what started as a good day has needed up just heart breaking Helen seemed ok most of the day and i went up about 1-30 and we chatted for a while and she really did sound the best she had in a long time and they told her that she can go home on a pass and if she felt it was to much she can come back in, i was so happy and scared as was Helen, we had to wait for some drugs to come that took forever but when they came Helen was ready to go, on the way home she seemed fine as well but unfortunately when she got in the house it all came a bit to much and she went downhill very fast and became agitated and wanted to just keep walking back and forward to the bedroom and back to the living room and just could not get her to settle down, they gave me drugs to help with this but it was an injection and i was not allowed to give it i was meant to phone out of hours and they would send someone who was able to give it, well that was pointless as they sent an ambulance, dont get me wrong they were excellent but when they saw what they gave me she was baffled and said they should have given me pre filled syringes and showed me what to do, it has made me angry as they had to take Helen back to the hospital which just broke my heart i was just so upset having to watch her go back in an ambulance I just can’t help think if i had or was able to give her this injection she would still be at home and a bit more settled. So i sit here filled with tears at being so close to having my beautiful wife beside I wouldn’t have cared if she slept or if she just wanted to sit quietly, but no she is back in ward 32 and all i can do is sit here feeling numb and once again broken.

                                                                                   11/02/22

Well today Helen was ok a lot more settled and although would say some stuff out of sync she was pretty much talkative and i hated leaving her but i am hoping that a good nights sleep will be had by Helen and she feels bit better tomorrow, i am struggling today with the blog but i thought i would try to just put a bit in, i bought flowers for Helen’s dad and her sister Joyce shall take them up on Sunday. I am sorry for this being so short today but i am just feeling broken at the moment.

                                                                                  12/02/22

Could not go to bed last night not sure why i just did not want to go so i slept on the settee on and off, this morning I received txt messages of Helen they were very clear and not mixed up she then phoned and she was very clear and no confusion, i think when she first gets her steroids she seems more settled. And i think that is all that Helen wants, i am going up at my usual time back of 1 and Helen her niece will be up at 2. It is a poor day very grey and rain is on, i am going to go out soon and get something for Valentine’s Day for Helen i may try and get some flowers and a ballon with i love you on it. Well I went to get Helen a rose with a ballon and broke down in the shop the two girls who worked there were very nice to the point that they never charged me for it which was just so nice of them. Went a bit earlier today to see Helen and she was really good today we sat across from one another holding hands and chatting about this and that she was tired but I am not surprised after what she has been through, she was wanting to stay awake so we could chat and also in the hope that she would be able too get a good sleep tonight and when I phoned the hospital later they said she was sleeping and looked comfortable and I hope she feels the same tomorrow but well rested as well. I am now in bed and hoping for a good nights sleep as well.

 

                                 13/02/22

Hi been at hospital most of the day Helen was a wee bit confused this morning for a while she thought she threw something out that she needed but when got here everything was still here, for second day really helen has been ok wee bit confused at times but mainly fine and been chatting for a while and she even got changed and we had a walk around the ward, her sister Joyce came to see her as well which was nice so I left them to chat for a while and I had a wee walk. Helen is currently having a wee sleep before her tea and I am sitting by her bed nice and quiet and it is so nice to be able to sit with her and just be here when she wakens up. I am my usual I’m breaking down a lot and just constantly feel sad and broken, and truthfully the way it is at the moment with Helen sleeping I wish I can get in beside her hold her tight and fall asleep together peacefully the both of us together in life together forever more my gorgeous wife and me. 

Ged