07/12/21
Tuesday morning and was woken up by someone calling the house at 7-15 bloody swines, so I lay for a while and knew that I was not going to get back to sleep again so decided to get up and go for a walk as yes you guessed it frosty lovely cold morning that is so refreshing and I also took my camera but was just a bit to late for sunrise, in saying that it was cloudy as we are of course expecting storm Barra which is set to bring snow rain and high winds. Helen has her appointment today at 2-30pm and as always she is very nervous but we are hoping all is ok but we really need to get on top of her breathing as once again it is getting her down. So breakfast time and will edit the photos and put some on here.
Some from early this morning, was nice wee early walk and as I say very refreshing way to start the day. So until we leave for the hospital its another coat of varnish on the table and probably a clean of the house mmm rocknroll life style me lol.
Hi feeling bit low as Helen has been taken into hospital it was not good news, her treatment has stopped working, she has been really struggling last few weeks and as soon as the consultant saw her bp he said that he could not let her go home until they sorted this, she has to get a brain scan as she has had dizzy spells and some headaches she has also to get a ct scan and was given an X-ray today, she is going to be put forward for clinical trial but they need to get her a bit healthier first so am all crossed as in fingers and the likes. Hard to watch her go through all this and she said something before I left which made me worry well I've always been worried but she said that she thinks she is near the pointy end of the stick! I told her that we will fight and stay positive as she always has been. My wife is a really strong person she is my best friend and to see her like this is just heart breaking and you just feel useless. So we shall see what happens tomorrow but for now I'm just needing a good greet.
08/12/21
Well have heard from Helen but not much to say as she still has not had her scans so its still a waiting game, i am not aloud to go and see her until 4pm due to Covid restrictions they still have an appointment system in place which i suppose is fair enough but i wish i could have visited this morning. As for last night well was not easy and i decided for some reason to sleep on the couch 🛋 and i did fall asleep after a good greet again, then at 7-15 i woke up and decided to go to bed and read a bit of my book and i fell asleep again for 40min or so. I got up and had my breakfast in the man shed which was fine. To keep my mind of things i decided to do a bit of cleaning and put fence back up which blew down in storm barra again. So at the moment I’m having a wee break put a bit of vinyl on and soon as it started they started cutting all the trees up which have fallen down so can hardly here anything at moment. I have just heard from Helen and she has had all her scans so that’s good and results wont be back until later so hopefully when i get there.
Not long back from Hospital Helen is ok still breathing a bit when off the oxygen but we are seeing the consultant and specialist nurse tomorrow at 10am to discuss the next step so we hope to get some new about this clinical trial and of course all is ok with the scans that she had today, nervous though and I am sure Helen is as well but all crossed for tomorrow. As for myself well it was a trip to the shops to get something for my tea and am now back home sitting on my own watching a movie to keep my mind occupied.
9/12/21
Well today has been really hard as we got some bad news that my gorgeous wife's cancer has spread to her brain, Helen is the love of my life my hero my best friend and I am struggling with this, she is going to come home hopefully soon with oxygen and on the 21st we have to go back and see the consultant and if she is ok they are going to give her another drug which will help and it will give her more time, although the consultant said so many months the specialist nurse came back in and said it could extend to a lot of months into the future, as I write this I am in tears and my head is all over the place but I feel carrying on with this blog may help me to cope, I am now in serious Helen mode and am going to do everything it takes to get her through this, she has made me the man I am today she has pushed me to do things I could only dream of doing I have seen places I never thought I would get to all because Helen has been behind me every step of the way so I will make sure no matter what is said I will take care of her and hope that all goes well. I am going back to the hospital soon to see her and I hope she gets home tomorrow.
So back home after seeing Helen and she still has not seen the oxygen people so she may be in the whole wknd we are hoping not and they come tomorrow so she can get home as she just wants back in the house in her own surroundings so she can process all that has gone on. Me well just been busy answering phone calls and messages. So not great day I keep everything cross I can get Helen home tomorrow.
10/12/21
Good morning and well a sleepless night for me as i just could not stop thinking of Helen, i think i kept dozing off but was not for long so tried reading my book which did help but not with the sleep, i have been out in garden since 7am putting up lights and doing a bit of tidying up to keep my mind occupied, i am now locked in my man cave writing this blog. Helen sent a msg and i think she has been much the same but it was good to get a msg. I have cried so much but i am trying just to stay strong and get Helen home where i know she will feel better and hoping fitter for this drug, i am going up around two in the hope that her oxygen has been sorted as she wont get out, but if she does i think we shall be in kip zzzzzzzz for a good few hours.
11/12/21
Hi and after a good night sleep we have both woken up feeling ok, breakfast done and then we had a chat about who Helen should speak to first and it will be her sister first this afternoon and then she will se her niece tomorrow, I have told her just take it easy don't get into a panic about who to speak to as we know a few things but we still don't know what will happen next Tuesday the 21st, it will be upsetting talking to them but she will manage as she is a strong individual. She has asked if I can go out for a walk or to my man cave so they can have sometime together and of course I have told her that is no problem at all but at this time it will be the man cave as it is raining outside at the moment. I think she will go back to bed later which would be good and maybe she will be able to get up and feel a bit refreshed so she can sit with me tonight and we can watch some tv together.
Helen is speaking to her sister while I am outside in my mancave giving them some time together, just finished a cup of coffee and have the football on the radio, I think I am going to need another sleep but have plenty of time and also Helen gets another couple of hours as well.
Two photos of Helen with our god daughter and niece Debbie Helen with her permed hair and if I remember correctly this was new year I think but I remember it being a good night. Well the weather has stayed much the same very grey and still raining 🌧 and does look like this will be on for most of the day.
12/12/21
Hello I would like to say that my blogs may change due to what is going on in our lives at the moment but if you have read this weeks blog I am sure you will understand. We slept well I was up at 7am and had a read of my book but managed to goo back to bed and we snuggled up and I managed another hour sleep and truthfully I could have had more. But today Helen is seeing her niece so I thought better get breakfast done. Helen is awake but as of this moment I am not sure what the plan is today after her niece leaves. I will do as much of this as I can as it does help me as well. Another quiet day Helens niece came so i left the two of them to have a talk for a while, i went for a drive and got some messages i did have to pull over as few things got on top of me, i try to keep this to myself so as not to upset Helen as she has enough to deal with we both have as honestly i don't think i have ever been so worried as i am right now.
Ged
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