59 to 60 part 42aft

                                                                            03/01/22

Good morning on what is another dreich day here in Dundee I was going to head out for a quick walk but it was heavy rain when I looked out so decided not to bother at the moment. I am trying to sort my pension out as well I have to one with Scottish water and my NHS one I want to amalgamate them as I think it would help me as as things stand with Helen I can't see me back at work anytime soon, this is easier said than done. I went onto the pensions web site for my Scottish water one and tried to log in well I have been trying for around 40min now with no success, I even changed my password but nope just won't let me log on, I decided a phone call was in order mmm nope closed until the 5th of January so until then their is not much I can do. Today Helen is getting her sister down for a while then her niece and her husband are coming to pick up Helens car and in between this I am going to try and get to the shops for some messages then if it has cleared and Helen is ok I shall go for a walk. 

Just back from a nice walk was not far but it is very fresh outside and it looks to be a frosty night. Helens sister has been for a visit so that was nice but her niece who was meant to pick up the car today phoned to say she was not feeling good today and can they pick it up tomorrow. So i will probably go out a couple of times tonight get some of that air and i hope my beautiful wife can stay awake so we can have the night together.

                                                                             04/01/22

A bacon buttie to start the day and it was nice, the car is now away which was quite hard to watch but it is done now. Helen is in bed but has been up for a while but she is taking it easy today as we are up early tomorrow as we have to go to surgery as Helen is getting blood taken and have to be their at 9-15 and i think we will have to be out early as she is really struggling at the moment but i will move heaven and earth to get her to this and Thursdays  appointments. I am in man cave doing a few things just making bit more space and it keeps my mind focused. It is as i thought a lovely frosty day and although i have not been out for a walk i may try and get out for a while tonight. I am sorry that these blogs are a bit shorter but with looking after Helen i am not out so much but of course she is my main priority. So lunch soon and see how things after this.

Had lunch With Helen and we decided to have another sleep which was nice we talked for a while but have to say it was not long before I was zzz and Helen, I told her how much it was breaking my heart to watch her go through this and how much I loved her told her of some of the photographs I found of us on holiday and our engagement ones where she was as is today beautiful. I sit on my own and it just seems so unreal and every time things pop into my head I just stare wt the wall in front of me feeling of complete uselessness and sadness. I Finnish todays blog sitting on my own with just the small lights on and wonder of our future.

                                                                 05/01/22

An early start today to take Helen to get blood taken before she goes to see about this drug tomorrow, awake at 7-30 and a small breakfast before we left. Helen had bit of struggle getting out of the house and to the car but once in we headed to the surgery where I was able to get a chair to take her in. Bloods done I was happy that she stayed out for a while so we headed to clarks bakery where I bought couple of hot rolls and two teas and we drove to find someplace quiet and sat and had breakfast mark 2, I was so happy just to get Helen out of the house for a while and get some cleanish air into her body even to the point that even though it was cold we sat with the car door open for a while, we went for a drive through the country before heading home both of us feeling a bit tiered so after I took down all the Christmas decorations which always makes the house look so empty we went back to bed for a while and I managed a good 30min kip and Helen is still sleeping but am going to see if she wants anything else to eat. So decorations down and I don't know why but I did feel quite sad taking them down. Tomorrow we head to Ninewells at the back of one in the hope that Helens gets this chemo drug and we hope of course that it works and it takes some of the dizzy spells away and gives Helen a bit more confidence to walk. 

Photo of Helen at queens view. I have been for a wee walk and it was nice and cold and still frosty. Now back home and am about to see if Helen wants anything to eat or if she wants to wait a while, I am also thinking that I may have a wee dram tonight as feeling bit down at moment. Think it is harder when sitting on my own as my brain goes into overdrive and just can't stop thinking of some of the things we have done together and how much fun and places we have been she really has opened my eyes and I have seen places I thought I would never see. So that's it for today big day tomorrow just hope all goes well for Helen. 

06/01/22

Well big day today for us and i am hoping that Helen gets this chemo tablet and it helps her with a few things like her dizziness and basically just all round feeling so she can get up more and do bit more as she is fed up as am i but can only imagine how she must feel, at this moment in time i feel the days just blend in together even last night watching tv i have to watch things i have seen a few times as i am finding hard to concentrate my mind just goes into overdrive and if it is something i have seen before then it does not really matter if my mind wanders and i miss a bit. So lets see what today brings i hope it is some relief for Helen. 

Well they were a bit shocked to see how bad Helen was and came out to ask me questions as Helen was struggling she was confused and told them that ever since they cut her steroids it has been a gradual downfall, told them that she has been pretty much in bed and her speech was not great and she was forgetful as well, so they have put her on stronger steroids for seven days and she now has this chemo tablet to take as well so we shall have to watch what we are doing as it is a lot to take but together we can do it. On a personal note i had a bit of a break down telling the nurse how hard it has been but these nurses have known Helen a long time and she said they will do everything they can to help her which was nice. So fingers crossed that it gives her a bit of her self back and nothing would make me happier. 

07/01/21

Well Friday is here and it has been a very busy day up until now, we had breakfast and Helen took her first dose of chemo tablets and stronger steroids as well she said she did feel slightly better and she did look a bit brighter and hopefully in a couple of days we see a good improvement which will give her the confidence to get out of bed and walk without having to hold onto things and then hopefully will be able to come out and get some more fresh air. We had two great surprises today the first being a lovely bunch of flowers sent by Helens niece and name sake, the second was a surprise from three girls at work my three lovey friends Nicola, Leighann and Lynn, they sent a magnificent buffet down full of sandwiches cakes sausage roll and biscuits and lots more what a great surprise and me and Helen have already tucked into it for lunch just feel so blessed to have friends like them.

                                                                          Helens flowers  

                                                                   Buffet from the girls 

I am blown away by peoples kindness. So had to go up to the hospital and hand in some samples for Helen then along to the unit to get an LFT kit and then it was onto Tesco to grab some messages then back home, after lunch had a few wee things to do but I am now sitting having a small glass of fizz with cranberry juice in it and I think I may kick back for a while and try to have a rest.

08/01/22

A long night is over, Helen was sleeping over the bed so i decided to leave her and would have a night on the settee, i slept for a while but woke up with a sore back and could not get back to sleep but i just persevered until 8am when i got dressed and went and got some rolls and paper for Helen, breakfast was had and Helen took most of her pills but unfortunately she threw up and i am convinced it was because she ate to much to quickly and i take the blame for that so tomorrow i am going to change a few things in the hope it will be a bit better. I am very tired and upset but it is due to lack of sleep i think and of course worry. I have to be a bit more on the ball and make sure that we eat a bit better today and  from now on.

I have not done much again as time just seems to be slipping away at the moment, I was up in the loft and brought down a blow up mattress and my sleeping bag just incase I have to sleep through here tonight or any other night. Helen has taken her second load of pills and I am hoping she won't be sick as I may have to phone the hospital if she is. As for me well I was out in my cave for a while but kept coming back in to make sure Helen was ok and then I went to shops as she fancies mince and tatties tonight so that seems to be the plan. As for tonight well it will be a quiet one again and was hoping Helen might come through but it is not looking likely.

09/01/22

 Hello and welcome Sunday today has been slightly better especially with the tablets Helen has had to take i think the way we did it this morning worked better for her even though she is a bit forgetful and needed to look at the tablets she is taken but she has not been sick so all the tablets have stayed in her system, i am about to go in and see if she wants to have her shower and put fresh stuff on the bed so if she wants to stay in kip then it will be nice and fresh for her but i am hoping she will come through for a while today or tonight even just to have her tea would be nice,

This photograph of Helen with family members of mine was at my nieces wedding and this was a week after she was told her cancer had come back but she sits amongst us smiling it was the same day as she was told that they will treat it and it should go well and it did. She smiled through it and she fought and i hope no matter how much time i have with this beautiful girl she fights as hard as this girl deserves every chance she can get. 

 

So another couple of Helen wee climb up kinoull hill and she gives me the twos up it’s her international sign 😂. Made Helen stovies for tea and she managed a good bit, after that we sat for a while and had a chat and tonight it she wants to stay where she is so i will pop in now and again to make sure she is ok and if she wants me to sit for a while i shall happily do so as i am missing her sitting in the living room watching tv and just talking. As for me well it has been another surreal week i have not had many ups but i have had lots of downs but i did expect this of course, i have not been out for walks or cycling as it has been to risky as we really need to see the reaction Helen has to these tablets. So i finish this weeks blog i hope for a miracle no matter how that sounds. So until next week i hope you are all well.

GED

59 to 60 Part 41

 

                                                                             27/12/21

Hello and welcome to part 41 a new week begins and a big week as well for us both especially Helen. To start though i have been up and down most of the night with toothache and yes the dentist is still closed, i am trying to hold of until tomorrow so I don’t need to phone nhs 24 as i am sure they are very busy but if it gets worse i will have to phone. Today we have no plan i think Helen has a few things to do and i have to put a few things away and clean one room but nothing to exciting. The weather again is still grey and pretty much crap and i know one day i will waken up and see blue sky instead of this grey that has been hanging about for a while now. So onto today and the start of a new week let us see what it brings. Well it did get worse a lot worse I was on the phone waiting for an answer from nhs 24, then was told someone would call me back and they did 4.5hrs later and I know have to wait until tomorrow, I am in so much pain especially when I sit down it’s excruciating I’ve not felt pain like that for a while well with toothache, when I stand and walk it eases so it looks to be a very long night as it has been during the day as I have hardly sat down and when I finally do it takes ten minutes and bang the pain hits and takes about ten minutes to ease. So as I say a very long night ahead. 

                                                                            28/12/21

Hello and yes it was a very long night as my Toothache was so sore and it only seemed to hit me when I sat down or lay down most of my early night was pacing up and down in the spare room and when I took painkillers just before I went to bed wee this did not help one little bit as as soon as I was in bed I was out of it again, I ended up in the living room pacing back and forward listening to various podcasts and every now and again sitting down for five minutes or until my tooth started hurting again, this lasted until around 4-30 when I decided to sit for five minutes and amazingly fell asleep for 1hr when I woken up my tooth felt not to bad so I went to bed to see if I can get a bit extra sleep and yup I did, I woken up at 9am and still felt ok. I had phoned NHS 24 and it took 2hrs to get an answer and they said a dentist would phone back within 3hrs mmm 4.5hrs later I got a call to say I won't be seen until today and it urns out the tooth is ok he seemed to think it was an abscess due to food being trapped between my teeth. So am back home and not much difference from last night at the moment but we shall wait and see. Cleaned out Helens car and just have to give it a wash and clean inside then it is ready for her niece to pick it u, all I can say is that was not an easy job but it is done now. Well short one today as I am bit tired after yesterday.

                                                                         29/12/21

Well another day of waiting to see the dentist, another bad night even though I slept well my tooth is still so sore so sorry but another day of feeling completely down, I have an appointment at 15-00 and I just feel like going in and telling them to take the tooth out  as even sitting doing this my tooth is throbbing and I have taken that many painkillers when I woke up I felt like I had been at a party and had about two bottles of whisky. Helen feeling poor today felt sick but I did keep her awake most of the night so she is having another sleep in the hope it makes her feel bit better, she did manage breakfast as well. Another awful day it is heavy rain and completely grey which match our moods at the moment if only I can get this tooth sorted so I can get back to helping and not just pacing back and forward trying to get my tooth to settle a bit. So it is painkillers and antibiotics time again but roll on 3pm see if can get something done about it. Well tooth is out and he discovered infection on the root so fillings would not have worked, now have to go back in 4 months see about filling the gaps. Phew hopefully sleep well tonight. 

A photo of Helen’s niece and namesake Helen she has been a great help not only now but since this all started, they have a great relationship and her husband Colin is a real great guy as well. So another small part to this blog I hope to be back again tomorrow. 

                                                                             30/12/21

Good morning on the second last day of 2021 and it has been a bit of an early start, i had a much better night now that my tooth is out but still have a slight headache but i think that nay be down to a bit dehydration as i am dry so will make sure i drink plenty of water today. Been out to hoover Helen’s car and give it all a good clean will take it for a wash and check tyres after breakfast. Helen has had her steroid intake increased to see if it will help her dizziness and she has been feeling tired as well i am hoping this works so she can get out for some fresh air as she has been in the house since Christmas Eve, i am so worried and i think this may be helping cause the headache as well she has been a fighter since I knew her and i just want to see her up and well as i said getting away from these 4 walls so here is hoping this works. My gum is a bit raw but all in all as day goes on i am hoping things will improve and i can begin to feel like my old self again. Right breakfast time. A while ago while in Quebec I bought a photo album and I found it the other day so have decided to make it up with photos of Helen and call it the book of Helen. 

It’s made from dry leaves and string it’s really nice and very fitting, I have already started and need to look out more photographs to fill it up. Well in mancave but going in soon to see how Helen going s and if she is up for a lite lunch. Helens niece came down for a while and after a light lunch i nipped to shops for few things which included a nice bottle of singletons whisky mmmm well it is the new year. So tonight will be another quite one in the hope we can have a bit of time together tomorrow and see in the new year. 

                                                                               31/12/21 

Hello and happy Hogmanay i have had a very busy morning after breakfast which consisted of sausages on a roll for me and cranberry bacon and Brie on toasted roll for Helen who is still not feeling great i am hoping if she can rest again we may be able to see the new year in which will mean everything to me and I’m sure my Helen, i went to meet my brother and his wife and gave him a nice bottle of whisky and his wife flowers and some nice biscuits and had a chat with them it was so good to see them even if it was only for 15min and I’m sure Chris will enjoy a dram tonight. Had to go back into shop as forget to get ham for my soup which is now made and looks and smells great.

Then cook a bit chicken for our tea tonight, after that it was a quick clean of the house which is nearly done and i have stopped to see about lunch and after this i shall finish the house. Tonight will be a couple of beers and maybe couple of drams to see in the new year.  So I sit with a whisky and clementine mix mm cheaper whisky of course and it is very tasty I just thought I would give one a try before I have a few beers tonight and it does look like Helen may be here but she won't have a drink. I have been out again to get candles and rolls. Tonight I will probably listen to some old music and maybe the corries a good few Scottish songs. Helen sits beside me and she does look a wee bit better so am hoping tomorrow she may feel a bit more like herself and enjoy the steak pie and then a nice trifle and maybe even a wee glass of fizz.

I hope that all who read this either now or if someone comes across it in the future that you all have/had a great new year nothing is forever so enjoy the now drink be merry and smile and tell the people closest to you how much they mean to you, have a great night.

                                                                           01/01/22

A very happy new year to you all i hope 2022 brings you better days, i stayed up until around 1 but did not have much to drink Helen stayed up and saw the new year in which was good but she is struggling which has me concerned i was hoping by this time she would hopefully pick up a bit and be able to come out for a while. I have been for a walk just a couple of miles and close to home, i am doing a charity thing called Doddie Aid if you want to know a bit more just google it and hopefully you can join in. Well a new year I’m scared of what this will bring all i want really is my wife back just to see her smile again would make my year all i can do is carry on and take care of that beautiful women. 

I was told once that i was punching above my weight and when i look at photos i cant help but agree she is beautiful but her eyes wow just gorgeous, this photo is from our engagement doo at the arrows bar it was a fantastic night and she was the star of the show, i love this photo she is so happy and i am so lucky and to me she is as beautiful today as in this photo. Helen is up and is dressed so i am going to go in to sit and just be with her, as for tonight well i might have a couple glasses of port i shall wait and see, but once again a happy and prosperous new year to all who take time to read this. If your sitting next to the person you share your life with tell them often that you love them and how beautiful they are. 

                                                                             02/01/22

Up early again so went for a walk before breakfast, Helen is much the same she is a bit sick in the morning and finds it hard to get going, made her breakfast and sorted her tablets out. I am feeling so sad at the moment and so alone and useless at times as their is only so much I can do. So I am going to clean garage and put few things away just to occupy my mind and then maybe a walk again later this afternoon. I have been looking through some photographs trying to find some photos of Helen on Holiday and found this one, it was Egypt where we had a weeks cruise up the Nile and a week in a 5 star hotel.

It was a great holiday seeing most of the temples and just exploring, early evening at the hotel they put on some classical music and you can sit and have a glass of wine and just watch the sun go down it was beautiful. 

Well Helen up around 5 and had a good tea and now we’re both sitting watching around the world in 80days tonight we’ll not much happening I shall make sure Helen is ok and then quick shower.

Photo from an early evening walk couple of years ago Helen way out in front. We’ll not much else to say for this week, it’s not been easy as I stay close to home and only get out for small walks which is fine as I want to stay close to home. So for this week I wish you all well and if you pray say an extra one for my wife. 

59 to 60 part 40

 

                                                                              20/12/21

Hello and welcome to part forty and Christmas week, was up early again so went for a walk and got some fresh bread and some cold meat, it is still grey and mist is coming down again, while making breakfast I took there orange juice out of the fridge door and the whole shelf came with it mm and hit the floor bursting a 4pint milk carton whoop great start to the day, I managed to save some in bottle so after a quick clean up it was breakfast and then a longer clean up as I don't want the kitchen to smell of sour milk so I decided to give the whole kitchen its festive clean which took well over an hour. Hard day today as Helen my gorgeous wife wants to sort out money and then go to a funeral directors to discuss a cremation I can only imagine what its like inside Helen's head at the moment as I know my head is going a bit crazy with thought. My brother and sister in law have sent her flowers delivered to the house which was really nice.

It is a strange feeling we want to enjoy this Christmas as we always do but I want to make it so much more special but it is hard as all I think about is Helen and keeping her as safe as possible whilst trying to keep things happy as I can, I know that sounds daft and even tomorrow we have a big day I am not sure how to react I sit alone at times and just feel completely out of it and completely out of control of the whole situation, the last two days I could feel some anger in me and it was coming out all in swear words and kicking things and then sitting down with tears poring down my face all this while trying to keep things festive. I just have to try and stay strong for her and do as much as I can for my wife Helen.

Bottom photo is of our first dance the tune, I wanna know what love is she was absolutely stunning that day and I know I have probably already done this but it was one of the happiest days of my life period. So on we go just waiting for Helen see what time she wants to go out at. I hope all that read this have a happy festive week the big build up to Christmas.

Been a very hard day well afternoon Helen been phoning around places asking about cremations and few other things, then we were out and had to go to bank to transfer money into her other account to give to her sister and her niece, all i can say is i was close to tears in that bank but managed to wait until we got home, i know this must have been so difficult to do for Helen but she is just so strong and such a great human who really does not deserve any of this. I finish here for today as it just seems right.

                                                                         21/12/21

Good morning an early start on a day which io have not been looking forward to have been awake since before seven just could not get back to sleep no matter how hard i tried, so will make Helen’s breakfast soon and shower and well it will be out to Helen’s appointment and all i can think is i hope she gets this drug i know we are uncertain how long but she deserves every chance that is out their so 1-30 is the time we see them all at. I have come to my man cave for just a wee while just to do this blog and have ask my lights on and it is very nice and i hope i can get Helen to come out some time just to see how it looks but it is a big step to get in to it, this is something i will have to sort but will probably wait now until spring.

                                                           Myself and Helen at Lochness

Well it was not to bad and although her blood results are not back as yet if they are ok then she can have this new drug which will give us a bit more time together, and as I have said already I don't care if it was only one day it is one more day together mmm but here is hoping it is a lot more than that. He has cut her steroids back and we shall see what effect that has on Helen as her dizzy spells are not much better and he also said she should not drive any more and although this must have been hard to take I think Helen was expecting it and of course she has her own chauffeur and she knows wherever she wants to go I shall take her. We are back home and after doing a bit of shopping and after a cup of latte at costa we are now home and we have had an early tea and are just about to have a bit of chill as it has been a long day oh and Helen is looking forward to pigs in blankets soon as she keeps saying pigsnblankets so I don't forget lol I love this women. 

                                                                         22/12/21

Hello and welcome to Wednesday blog and after what has been a night of Helen having the munchies and managing a wee glass of fizz we woken early so Helen can do a bit of wrapping and I can go out for a while after breakfast and pick up a couple of things one for Helen which I can’t mention as yet just in case she reads this but i shall on Christmas Eve. We are having lunch in the house today then I think Helen wants to go out for an hour to pick a couple of things. It has been a busy morning for her as she has been wrapping presents and the phone has not stopped. She was in a very Christmassy mood last night so we watched a couple of festive programs on tv while she ate her way through the fridge ha ha, well all i can say it is very good to see and even though it was a small glass of fizz it was nice just to sit and enjoy the evening. I am in the cave at the moment doing this blog and sorting out w ell I’m no saying yet shhhhh. 

A snowy scene just as it is nearly Christmas 🎅 one of my own and I have probably posted this one before, I am getting to the stage of forgetting what photos I have posted. Well back into Helen and a warm cup of something and a bite to eat. Well we have been and done a few things and now back home it is cold and rainy but they do say it may snow and may snow in certain places t give a white Christmas mmm i hope it does here as that would just be so magical for us both. I have left Helen in the house wrapping gifts so giving her a little space, I want to spend as much time with her but she is probably glad of a bit of space for a while and she knows I am not far away. It will be an early tea tonight as well so we can have a chilled night and possibly 40 winks as well, so as for todays blog well that’s it for now.

                                                                     23/12/21

Hello and it has been a very busy day, i took Helen to see her solicitor which took a while and the we were off to visit her niece in Forfar, the traffic trying to get out of Dundee was awful it took just over an hour to get to the Forfar road, it was nice seeing them both today and i have a bit to right but it may have to be included in tomorrow’s blog as we are just home and about to have tea so this shall just be a shorter blog than usual. It has been raining most of the day and it is still cold 🥶 but we did get a few things done. So sorry for the shortness of this one today i shall hopefully make up for it tomorrow mmm yes Christmas Eve ho ho ho 🎅 

                                                                         24/12/21

Hello and welcome Christmas Eve and as is it watching it's a wonderful life supping a cider all I can say that it has been a very hectic day, last night as Helen was getting ready for bed her filling in her tooth fell out so it was another job for today which was fine as we had everything done for 12-30 and back home where we enjoyed a coffee tower and a cup of tea, then it was onto preparing things for tomorrow oh boy that took a while, Helen had her own stuff to sort out as well so I think we are both mainly there now all soup cooked roast beef cooked tatties peeled and Brussels done as well so I hope we both can have a very quiet Christmas Eve night we shall see, todays tea will be made up of snacks and a few wee fizzes mm perfect. Helen had a hard day yesterday as we were up seeing her niece, she asked her niece if she would like her car and the both of them were blown away with the offer and also she told them about some money that was going to be transferred into their accounts, I think young Helen her niece really did not understand the gravity of all that is going on. But that is it done for that side and I was so wanting this day to be a nice quiet one especially for Helen but well as I say it will be a nice evening.

some snowy photos seeing it is Christmas, I have bought myself an instant camera so as I can get some happy memories of myself and Helen. I still have not found my wedding ring which really is getting me down I have moved stuff around the house in the hope it was lying some place but still no luck. Helen is convinced it will turn up and I hope that she is right. Well I shall hopefully be able to come on tomorrow and put in a bit about our Christmas Day all I want is for Helen to enjoy and for us both to have a great day. So just in case I would like to wish you all a very merry Christmas.

                                                                                     

                                                                                   25/12/21

Merry Christmas to you all, was a quiet night last night and for the first time in years we were in bed before Christmas as Helen was feeling really tiered but we did stay awake to see it in and did manage to open a couple of presents. It was a busy day and can't blame Helen for feeling so sleepy but hope today it will be a bit different as we intend on doing very little mmm well apart from having Christmas dinner but we are normally finished early and then we are like two big sleepy things for an hour. Lovely presents from Helen new boots, whisky, new slippers only the best ones though and socks as well. And I think Helen liked some of her presents ha ha I'm am rubbish at trying to buy her presents and most of them that were bought were before we had the awful news. I have had a bit of a melt down sitting here on my own Helen telling me to stay strong my god that women has so much strength and dignity. But I shall stay strong today as I want Helen to enjoy this as much as possible.

a photo from a few years ago at work in Perth think it was Christmas Eve, I was meant to be working this year as well but due ti circumstances I am off and truthfully domino know when I shall be back at work. So back to to today and I have a few thing to do before the meal, I shall try and get back on later but failing that I shall be back Boxing Day. Well what a great day we have had together we have both tried to forget all that is going on and just have a really Christmas to remember, here is photo of my beautiful wife.

A great day had by us both and now to be followed by a really lovely Christmas night having few drinks and watching rubbish on tv. Merry Christmas all. 

                                                                                 26/12/21

Hello and welcome Boxing Day was up until midnight last night just to see out Christmas Day and see in Boxing Day, Helen felt beat so retired to bed to read her book and to take things easy which was fine, a cup of tea and slice of toast revived her a bit and she was still awake when I got through so we still saw out the day together. 

So today shall be a bit of the same but we shall have tea a wee bit later oh and there is also football on today my team take on Hibs but due to new covid rules as it’s on the rise again only 500 fans will be aloud in mmm kind of glad of that as it is a lousy day outside rain and very cold. So here we go am in cave for while as Helen has a wee sleep 😴 soup around 1pm then take things from their. 

Weather does not seem to be improving it has been grey for so long now i forget what the blue sky looks like been so wanting more frosty mornings but not much at all this year which is a pity but saying that it did not get the snow and ice until January which is only a week away. Well we come to the end of this blog we have had a nice couple of days and today well even though my team got beat it’s been great having Boxing Day together and a nice meal. She is a real gem and the future is uncertain at the moment we are trying to live in the here and now. So until part 41 I hope the Christmas period has been good for you all. Take care and BYEEEEE

Ged

59 to 60 part 39

 

                                                                          13/12/21

Hello and welcome to this weeks blog and how this one will shape up well at the moment I am unsure, I have been out to do bit of cleaning to the outside of the house and couple of other small jobs just to keep my brain occupied while Helen rests, we were both awake early me because I had to phone my doctor and I think Helen heard me so she was up and we both had an early breakfast, Helen is now in the shower and were going to have a light lunch before we go out and me I am currently waiting for the doctor to phone me back, we just as I was putting this down the doctor has phoned and agreed that as far as my work is concerned we shall play it month by month and she was very nice and concerned for us both and if I have any issues I have to phone back and she will see me which is very helpful. I feel so weary and I think mainly it has been due to telling family members but they have been good and have mentioned it to friends as well. So I am meant to be at a Christmas thing next week but due to covid and all that has gone on I am not sure if it will go ahead, Helen is ok if I go as it is just a few minutes from the house so will have to phone them and see what the situation is. Saturday at the moment is still on but will have to keep an eye on things as week goes. Out for a while drive around the country side just so we could get some air and away from the house.

It is now time to make tea for us both so I will leave todays blog here for now and I hope you like the photos.

                                                                            14/12/21

Good morning i had not a bad nights sleep but was still up early and it is a strange feeling as when you first wake up well when i first wake up my mind is blank to what is going on and then boom it just all comes back, i also thought i would have more dreams but truthfully i can’t remember having any dreams this week at all. So we are going to have lunch soon and then go out again for  a while where i am not very sure we shall see. I have been cleaning the back room and have now come outside first to try and sort the door of the tumble drier as the glass unit fell of have put it back on but it is a hit or a miss if it works so i think we need a new one well this one is over 25years old. I am now having a bit of time in my man cave burning some smelly stuff and just trying to relax my brain, Helen slept well and is feeling much the same which is good and hopefully it continues and she gets this drug and we just have to take it from their as we just don't know much more. So onto the rest of the day and see what it brings. 

Looks like things will go ahead on Saturday but be really cautious and aware of the new covid rules my brother centre of the picture and mate will be in attendance as well, I am not far away as I have already said just a few minutes up the road. The nurses came to see Helen today and have given her their number to phone anytime she needs something or if she begins to feel not right  so things seem to be in place for any eventuality. Just back from looking for a new computer table as I need one for my man cave as the drawer fell out of the the one I have and I just can't get it back together. Back in the house now and it will be another quiet night but I may have a wee glass of something. 

                                                                         15/12/21

Hello and welcome Wednesday had another settled night as did Helen i was up and breakfast and to take my mind of all that is going on i went for a 10mile cycle which was good and i hope to do the same tomorrow, i am staying very close to the house just in case Helen needs me i am only a shout away. I have come out and started to clean the back of the house the eves and windows as they were looking very shabby and truthfully it was not a hard job. Helen is cleaning the bathroom as she feels she needs to do something and feels that she may like a house day today but may also want to nip into the ferry to get some Christmas cards so i will just go with what she would like to do. I have decided to give up on the bureau as i cant get the drawer sorted so i have bought another one which looks good and also comes with a book shelves so hopefully get that over the weekend. So time for soup and a bit sand which with Helen and see what happens after this. Had a bit of time in the cave wrapped a few presents and then blew up tyres on bike I’m taken for 10miles tomorrow. We have had tea and are settled Helen wanted bit of time on her own so I stayed out for a while. 

From a couple of years ago was out walking n a really frosty early morning as you can see. Well that will be it for today as we are still both mentally drained. 

                                                                       16/12/21

today started again with a 10mile bike ride after breakfast which did kind of help me today not that I forgot anything it was just nice to get some fresh air, it is still Gray and looks like it might rain. Specialist nurse phoned this morning to ask how Helen was and if things were the same? Told her that she was ok and all readings were fine and she was happy to here this news. We are trying to be as normal as possible until Tuesday as well what else can we do. Helen having another half hour then shower right her cards out then into the ferry for a while and post said cards. 

Photo from last year when we were hit with snow this is ninewells gardens a bed of snow sometimes working there it does feel as cold as this lol. Back home after visit to shops and post some Christmas cards went back down to farm shop to get some Stornaway sausages and milk. Back home now and needing 30min shut eye before tea. So for today this will be it another chill night. 

                                                                     17/12/21

Hello and happy Friday to you, it has been a very busy start to the day as I had to go up to work and hand in my line and let them know how things are and as always they were really helpful. I saw Nicola but not Leighann as she was sick this morning I hope she is ok, got a hug from Nic and was just nice to see her as they have both been great so I dropped of some we xmas presses for them. I then had to go and pick up a unit for my man shed bloody hell he stayed on the top floor so by time we got it down I was fooked and the discovered the book shelves part would not fir in car so I had to try and take it apart with a bloody knife unscrewing the screws and ended up breaking a part off AAAAAAAAAAARGH but hey got it in the car. I then had to nip into the Ferry to drop a wee bear of to get its arm stitched back on, we have had him a while but his arm fell off a while a go so I am getting it sorted and on Christmas Eve am going to give him back to Helen. so I am now back home and time for a cup of soup and toast and then out again.

Oh how she is growing and she is so much like her mum my niece Debbies daughter Kendal ready for another Christmas party really beautiful. Well back home after visit to helens dads grave to put some christmassy stuff and a stop for a cup of tea and tonight I may have a couple of drams just as its Friday and near Christmas. Helen is ok uneasy on her feet but she managed today and just good getting out away from the four walls of the house and I am always ready to take her where ever she wants to go.

I am finding it hard at the moment to put a lot on but am trying, this was from a walk from 2010 when we were hit with some really cold weather and lots of snow it is from the Hermitage near Dunkeld it is a lovey walk and to see the falls is really great and it was this time as it was all frozen and it was just a fantastic day and walk I could have stayed there all day and it was just one of these most wonderful ice cold fresh days just great to clear the head. I have been back in summer and its just as good and well worth a visit. So tonight I shall have hopefully a nice night with Helen who amazes me all the time as she is currently sorting her will out and doing it with so much calmness, she told me this morning and I just could not help but greet. Well it looks to be a frosty night as it is very clear and a full moon so I can see me heading out a couple of times as the night goes on.

18/12/21

Hello and good morning not best night sleep was awake around 7am so was up to read book then around 8  went to see and lay a Christmas foliage at mums and cut part of a tree down and yes spoke to mum and asked her to keep an eye on us both, i am not religious but well i just hope that in some way mum can here me and yes i so wish she was here now so i can talk to her i know she can only do so much but i know it would help so yes i asked her please if you do here me keep us safe and give us the strength to get through what ever lays ahead. After mums i went to into the ferry to get rolls and Helen’s paper and her lucky dip for tonight and if anyone deserves a big chunk of luck it is Helen. Back up the road and Stornaway black pudding sausages for breakfast which were really nice, after making sure Helen was in i am now outside sorting the computer table and book shelves i bought have given the top i of it a paint after sanding it down as it was a bit marked. I will have to move stuff around to get it in but hopefully it will fit ok as i do like the look of it.

So it is not a great day very misty and grey and i was hoping it be frosty as when we went to bed last night it was white with frost and looked and felt really nice but no was all gone this morning. We are meant to be going to Arbroath but i am not sure Helen will want to go while it is like this we shall wait and see. So we ended up in Arbroath it was very thick fog but cleared for a while. Did the shop thing then to put some Christmas plants down for her. We then headed to the cliffs where the mist had cleared for a while and was lovely view.

So as you can see it does look nice but believe me when I say by the time we got back on the road top Dundee you could not see your hand in front of your face i have not seen it so thick in a long time and it is freezing fog as well. So back home and just finishing a few things outside and then will go in and have tea with Helen and she is considering having a glass of fizz tonight. Well that’s todays blog tried to put bit more on but it is hard at the moment. 

                                                                              20/12/21

Welcome Sunday and it has been busy as i have now put the computer table and the shelves in the man cave and yes it takes up a bit room but i do like it as it gives me more options and hopefully will make more space as time goes on. And as you can see i now have plenty of room for my cd’s which in itself has created space and it is much easier to do my blog as well when i am out here so that’s good so was worth it.

 

So this morning it was a bacon roll for our breakfast Helen never had fizz last night so had to drink it all myself  she was in the mood but as the day went on she just did not want any. She is doping well at moment but god it is hard to watch the woman i love have to go through this. I am on my way in and go to the shop as she fancies sweet sour chicken for tea but says for lunch she might like bran so i am off to the shop now. Well was a quick trip to the shop and had a walk as well, I am now back home and decided to have a shower and just put my pjs on and have a mm silent night, well a week before Christmas why not.

Well to finish this photo was taken few years ago beside queens view we had a laugh with Santa  and his elf who we were convinced had a few fizzy pops ha ha but they were great and really went for it especially with kids oh and big kids and yes it snowed and they had fires going mulled wine and chestnuts it was braw and it was nice to see Helen so happy as well. So as for this weeks blog it will end here and I thank you all for reading and well next week is a big week for us both and we just don't know what to expect. Thank you all.

Ged