59 to 60 part 50

 

                                                                            28/02/22

Hello and welcome to the last week of the blog and I want to thank anyone who has taken the time to read this, yes the last few have all been about Helen of course, we have had an ok start to the day although have been bit angry as was trying to sort out some financial things for Helen but I’d been as well and going out and speak to the birds, I will not go on about it here as it would just be full of swearing 🤬 I have been mainly inside today as it’s taken a while and it is still not sorted. Not best day did manage a small walk but very grey today and cold but hopefully will manage another walk later. 

Just back from wee walk lovely colour in the sky tonight, Helen had had a quiet day after I suppose a busy kind of wknd with people visiting and her being awake a lot more. When tea came tonight Helen said she was not much in the mood for eating but the nurse brought a chicken casserole in and then she went and made us an ice cream Sunday which had a snowball in and a flake topped with strawberry sauce and Helen scoffed the lot I think that is the most I have seen her eat in a long time and it was good to see as she was obviously loving it. Couple of photos below of tonight’s sky. 

                                                                           01/03/22

Welcome March and a beautiful frosty start, nice start of  toast and scrambled egg with nice hot cup of tea and then managed to get Helen to walk a bit as well. Had a walk close to balgay hill which was nice and managed few photos as well. 

Helen is ok today and seems bright, she is sleeping at the moment but is about to have her shower before her sister arrives. So let’s see what the day brings. Well the day brought a new mountain bike a wee treat for my upcoming birthday as i can see it being a very quiet one for my 60th but the main thing is i will be spending it with Helen and that will be the best birthday present i can ever have. Will post picture of bike later but it is mainly bought so i can have a run around here and just try and pep myself up a bit to continue helping Helen. Few pictures of new MTB below.

                                                                            02/03/22

We’ll help and welcome to the second last day of this year long blog, this morning has been ok and I managed to fit in a 10mile cycle as well after me and Helens breakfast of mmmm yup cereal, tea and toast and after that managed to go out for this cycle which was hard as not been out for long time but still very enjoyable and took my mind of a lot of things for a while. Helen is ok again today and is sitting in her chair I am hoping soon she may like to come outside for a while for some fresh air. 

Well not to bad a day i suppose Helen once again eating everything that was put in front of her which was good to see and we did manage to chat a bit more as well and although she is in bed at the moment i will waken her a couple of times just to get her talking for a while. Rain has been on and off today and does not look much better tomorrow which is a pity but i think we have two people coming to visit tomorrow so that will be a nice change and hopefully Helen will be ok with this as well. So football tonight so that will pass my time and ten a read and hoping for a good nights sleep. 

                                                                                   03/03/22

Well hello and welcome to the second last day of this blog, it is hard to believe after tomorrow this will be finished and although lots has happened i have tried my best to keep on going. Helen was very shaky on her feet this morning and at one point i had to get a chair for her, i have started to do a bit more bending oof her legs to help see if we can strengthen them and it seems to have worked as she did manage to walk back to the shower room and have her shower so i will carry on with this all day and into the night. Helen wrote out my 60th birthday card and even thought her writing has gone i told her that just a few xx would be fine for me but i have to say it was a bit upsetting to see as Helen writing has always been great but as i say all i want is a x and that will do. The weather has brightened up a bit so i am going to go for an hours cycle around this area and get some fresh air. 

Helen has had a not to bad day she recovered her walking and I continued to do some leg bending exercise  with her and it did seem to work, we had two visitors as my brothers wife came to see her and her sister popped up for a while as well which was nice and id seem to perk Helen up a bit as well. At this moment in time Helen is having a nap but got her to lie on her side for a while as her back has been a bit sore. I managed around 8 miles on my MTB so that was a good little break as well. So one more day and i feel a bit weird that this will end after tomorrow, its amazing how quick a year goes and I remember sitting in my back room listening to some vinyl and starting this a year that started good to year that has seen me go through every possible emotion, my beautiful wife has fought so bravely been so strong and i sit writing this and looking at her well she is still that woman not willing to give in and the change that i have seen since this uti has been remarkable but as i keep saying she is a remarkable woman is Helen xx. Some random photos below.

 

                  04/03/1962 -04/03/22

Well it’s here the last day of my blog and it has been a good start plenty of birthday wishes and cards and gifts but as I said to Helen this morning you are the best birthday present I could ever have it’s been a rollercoaster but I’m here you are here and I could not ask for more. It has been good this and it has kept me going so look out for more blogs in the future. We have a lot of visitors coming today so I imagine by the end Helen will be a bit tired but as long as we have the day then that’s great. We were meant to be in Liverpool for few days I was going to do the Beatles trail and of course see some other sites but we’ll that can’t happen so I am sitting in the room beside Helen listening to the fab 4 well it’s the next best thing I suppose. So let’s see how today goes. 

Well lots of visitors and some nice presents as well Helen been a bit more tired though but that’s ok as long as she knows that i am ok and have had a good day, yes few melt downs but well i thought that would happen today. As i draw to a close i think of all we have gone through and i find it hard to believe that when i started this everything was ok and we were both happy and just getting on with life and to this day and how hard it has been for me but more especially my beautiful wife Helen oh to go back to this time last year. 

Well this is it we come to an end of this blog but first i want to say thanks if you kept up with this i am never sure who reads it but i can always see 4 to 6 people read it. I have had a good birthday all i wanted was to spend it with Helen which i have done and also family members of both sides and i have been given nice presents as well. To finish well what does my future hold? A question i wish i could answer but it is uncertain at this moment, yes i will take each day as it comes and yes i will keep my gorgeous wife on this planet as long as i can i can see a wee bit of fire in her eyes again and wee bit of fight as well yes she sleeps but it takes it out of her but she is fighting and is beside me keeping her going and i will continue always to fight for her. On a personal note i used to think i was strong but this has changed me as a man and i say again that i feel completely different from when i started this blog and will never know if the real Ged will ever come back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you all.

Gerard Hepburn

                                                                   THE END

59 to 60 part 49

 

                                                                            21/02/22

Hello and welcome to the next part of my blog, last night was ok Helen and i slept well and even at one stage Helen got in beside me for an hour which was so good and it also helped Helen as she was able to go onto her Side and sleep which helps her a lot as well, this morning we had cornflakes and toast with tea and i am hoping that at some point Helen will have a shower and it may make her feel a bit better as well, i am scared to get carried away with it all so am trying to take each day as it comes. It is a lovely start to the morning and have been out for a small walk around the grounds its still cold but it is good to see the snow drops growing and sun shining. Below are a couple of photos from Helens room.

The consultants have been and are happy to leave things the way they are and also happy at Helen’s improvement and all i can hope is that it continues. 

                                                              A wintry scene from my archive

Well managed home for a couple of hours and gathered a few things together to bring back including few things to eat for my tea as i should not expect them to feed me all the time at Roxbroughe house but it is very nice of them and i can honestly say that the nurses here must see a lot and have a lot to deal with and they do it very well i dont think it is a place i would be able to work they really are angels without wings. All at the house was fine but very quiet sat for 15min and just let my mind wander and as ever it wandered to Helen and to all that we have achieved together it was then that i noticed how quiet and how down i am.

                                 22/02/22

Well Helen had a not to bad night and seems bit better this morning after breakfast I managed to get her to do a wee walk and then bit of wash and sat on bed rather than lye down, I decided to start reading out loud and when I went for my walk I left my iPad on just playing some bird noises and it seemed to relax her a bit, she is worried about bills not getting paid and her money and her pension but she is struggling to tell me a bit more about this so I am going to try and see if I can start the ball rolling and see if can put her mind at rest, I have been for a walk and hopefully get another walk this afternoon at some point as no one is visiting today.  Couple of photos from said walk below.

Helen has had a not to bad day still sleepy but has been awake more but she is not eating to much so she will be low on energy but she has been bit more talkative and me reading things out loud and when I go out for a walk I leave my iPad on with some background noise and she does seem to not think to much but only time will tell. I am glad for the patient WiFi here and also Netflix as it is getting me through the days and nights.

                                                             Couple of more from archive 

                                                                            23/02/22

Well started with not to bad morning Helen up and had a shower then breakfast and then bit of a rest, consultant came to see her and are concerned about Helens low mood which of course is understandable given all that’s going on, they offered Helen something to help lift her mood but once again she does not want it which is upsetting and once again I had to leave the room just to upset, well the consultant came spoke to me and said that Helen would be not strong enough to have her chemo tablets but we will do all we can for her and basically see what happens, heart breaking stuff and I know at this moment in time Helen does not want to talk about it which I find really hard as all I want to do is help her as much as I can and at this moment in time I feel absolutely useless and broken. Helens niece has been and she was so happy to see her so i let them have some time together and went for a coffee with Colin which was good and took my mind of things for a while we talked about what is going on and football amongst other things and it did lift me a bit. When i got back Helens niece said that they talked and Helen had some chocolate and at the moment Helen is having a sleep, she is so peaceful and as i look at her all i can see is the Helen i love and my world i see no cancer just that beautiful women i fell in love with many moons ago. 

                                                                                24/02/22

It was a broken nights sleep not sure why as i did feel tired when i woke this morning and looked out i got a wee surprise as it had snowed over night and is still coming on and off at the moment, i went out and stood in the falling snow letting it hit my face and the cold breeze and for a few seconds I felt almost human again. 

Helen slept most of the day and night so this morning her blood pressure was low so we are trying to get her to drink a bit more as i think she is a bit dehydrated and i can her when she speaks that she is a bit dry but she has drank a good bit this morning and if i can get her to eat her lunch and have tea or water with it then hopefully her bp will come up a bit. At the moment Helen is sitting up and chatting now and again which is good as it was a long sleep yesterday. Joyce is up today and i am going to nip home to check the house and pick up some fresh clothes.                                                        

Joyce has just left but she did say she managed to have a chat with Helen which is good and we might have managed to sort another bit of stuff that has been worrying Helen. I got home to check all was ok and did a bit of washing and managed a wee seat in the house for a while. Bought the nurses some tins  of coke  and some sweeties as just a wee thank you for all they have done or are doing to help Helen and myself i never thought i would be able to spend as much time as i am if it was not for RH and the nurses who work here, i have worked with a lot of great nurses but it takes a special kind of nurse to work here and i have said it time and again they are angels without wings. 

                                 25/02/22

Well Friday is here and Helen has had an ok start to it, a very hearty breakfast of cereal and then bacon on toast which she scoffed up, was then a time for a shower which was ok and after that instead of going back to bed Helen sat on the big chair beside the window and is currently enjoying the sun shine on her. Helen has also done a lot of walking to as physio came to see her and got her up and walking round the room which although just a small thing it’s a big thing to me as she has not been lying down all day sleeping. It will soon be lunch time but not sure if Helen will eat anything but that’s nothing new as if we were at home and after breakfast we normally would not have anything else until around 3pm. So as days go this has been ok I hope it continues.

Well Helen sat in chair which is good and even though she sleeps she has been awake more and think is just enjoying looking out the window and getting fresh air as well she has also drank much more fluids as well and am wondering if she shall manage her tea tonight. I sit here on my own and wish someone would come with a really cold pint of cider 🍺 

                                26/02/22

Saturday has arrived and it has been an ok start to the day Helen had a good breakfast but I do feel we are turning into toast well this is what Helen said this morning, we are going to be getting up around 11 and have a wash and sit in the chair as her niece Helen is coming to see her today which is good. I have been out to the shop and bought few supplies some salad stuff and orange juice just bits and bobs to keep us going if Helen gets hungry, but she is right I think I have eaten my own body weight in toast. Here some pictures from wee walk. 

Helens niece came and it was good as Helen was sitting up and they managed a wee talk, i nipped to Tesco and had a coffee before coming back and speaking as well for a while, Helen was tired and has been awake since 8am so she is now having a sleep and i have been out for another walk around the grounds, i was out walking and all i wanted was to be at home with Helen watching TV and maybe having a glass of wine just sitting chatting about well nothing really just being in the house together. My name is Ged but i feel the real Ged has gone and i am not sure he will be back.

                                  27/02/22

Hello and as we enter the last few days of this year long blog I’m sorry that the last few weeks have been tinged with sadness at all that is going on right now, I have been up then down and trying to hold it together and trying to keep Helen on this earth as long as I can. The last few days have I suppose been fine as days go it has seen Helen eating bit more sitting up but more and watching tv and getting some much needed fresh air. The day started with another good breakfast and after that Helen is just lying on her side having a rest and the bill did are chirping away and the sun is shining. I have been out for a walk and walked through balgay cemetery mmm i know that’s sounds bit weird but it was so quiet and the views as you climb up the hill are pretty stunning I even had a seat and closed my eyes and felt the cold air on my face it was so refreshing and yeah it did give me a small boost. So as I say my last few days of this blog let’s see how things go. 

                 Some photos from todays walk 

Well the last Sunday of this blog as the next one should be published next Friday night on my 60th. Was at the house today check things over and managed a shower, also had chat with Dale and Nikita and sending Helen thoughts and love. I am now back at Roxburgh and we have had a bite to eat and now Helen is having a  snooze, joyce had a bit of a better time today as well as Helen was awake for most of her visit. I am going to have another walk soon and wee stretch before I put my pjs on and well that will be it for another Sunday and of course I worry about next week will bring. 

Ged